I know I'm a handful but that's why you got two hands.
I love you, even when you fart in your sleep.
I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.
Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you're super mad!”. If they laugh, marry them.
I don't care how many people are in this world, I want you! End of story.
If the path be beautiful, let us not question where it leads.
There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters... I could be their leader.
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.
Stop waiting for Prince charming. Get up and find him, the poor guy may be stuck in a tree or something.
That awkward moment when you realize you're falling in love and all you can think is, “oh crap.”
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Life is like flying an airplane. You'll be pushed around, have your ups, downs and even upside downs, but try hard enough and you'll land where your heart desires.
I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
The sincerest love is the love of food.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money.
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